Perception, Conversation & Eight Wise Assumptions

I think it's important to remember that most of the time, people will put on their best faces out in the world, but the best that they are can't possibly be everything they are. And while there may be tons of things that you love about a person that you know to a limited degree, it doesn't mean you're going to love everything about this person, or this person as a whole once you get to know all of them. Don't throw people up on pedestals, ever. It's sure to cause an unrealistic expectation and quite the tumble. Don't be disappointed when you realize that someone is human. You are too.

For instance, I think a lot of things that I never verbalize, or would only speak to certain people. I can only imagine that most people are this way. Otherwise, there would be a lot of inappropriate and unintelligent conversation going on everywhere. There are just some things that aren't meant for certain ears. And taking it a bit further, there's really no need to voice every thought one has anyhow. Some of them hold no value to contribute to either intelligent or entertaining conversation.

When speaking to people you haven't known very long, it's best to make all the right assumptions, and use them wisely.
1. They don't know anything that you do.
Everyone has different interests, hobbies, education, and things that make us who we are. It's best when talking to someone you haven't known for a year or more, to assume that they don't possess any of the knowledge that you do. I don't mean assume they're a moron. I mean assume they know different things than you. And I'm not saying to dumb yourself down around new people. What I'm suggesting is that you don't truck on through a conversation about the inner-workings of a vehicle or nuclear physics, Latin or even laundry with someone assuming they're following you just because they don't stop you to ask questions. A lot of people are terrified of being ignorant of anything. Ask them questions to make sure they are following whatever train you're on and speak to them like nothing is common knowledge. Because honestly, everything has to be learned. Some of the most intelligent people wear 'them shoes with the velcro' because they don't know that rad bunny trick with the laces.

2. They want to learn things.
If someone enjoys your company and conversation, it's safe to assume that your interests intrigue them.
Don't overwhelm them with loads of information all at once. But it's probably a good idea to throw in small insights into a given topic here and there across several conversations.

3. They want to teach you things.
People love to share things they know. That includes everyone. I'm not even going to play it safe on this one. Everyone loves to share things they know. Some people love it because it makes them feel special, some because it makes them look smart, which in turn makes them feel special. Some people love it because they love what they're sharing, some because they feel like what they know is of value and they love who they're sharing it with.

5. They sometimes think about stupid things.
Everyone has that childlike curiosity and thought process sometimes. If I'm standing in an aquarium with a group of people and we're talking about the lifespan of a killer whale, I might think to myself, "I wonder if that little fish beside the whale ever even knew its mother." I'm not going to say that out loud, because what really would be the point? You get where I'm going with this, right? Everyone does it.

6. They sometimes think about things they would never share with you.
And sometimes this is going to happen in your presence. It has nothing to do with you. Actually, on occasion it may, but assume it doesn't. Sometimes it's obvious when an unmentioned thought crosses someone's mind... just let it go. Chances are, if they don't want to tell you, then you're probably better off not hearing it.

7. Neither 5 nor 6 makes them any different than you.
Realize it and embrace it whether you dare admit it aloud or not.

8. You are not better than them, in fact, they might just be better than you in some way.
This is where the line between respecting the unknown value of a person and placing them on a pedestal becomes thin. But, it is important. Try to find the right balance between remaining respectful and gracious and creating unrealistic expectations of a person. Treat people like they are amazing, because most people have the ability to be. But don't expect them to be perfect, because no one has that ability.

Head, Meet Metaphorical Wall

Often in life, I find myself beating my head against that metaphorical wall muttering, “stupid, stupid, stupid!” More often than I enjoy, believe it or not, this happens to me. Well, today there I was again. And usually, the cause of this placement is so blatantly obvious that a solution comes to mind pretty quickly. This, however, is certainly not one of those times. I don’t know how I got here. I’m not sure what wrong move I made or thing I said… so I’m not quite sure what to do to fix it. I suppose instances like these are for learning.

Have I mentioned how I hate research? But the only thing I really know to do is dig in my memory and try to find that one misstep that shifted me onto the wrong path without my noticing it. Feet: they can be sneaky little devils sometimes.

The worst part about it all is my phone has been dead for days, since I've misplaced every single one of my chargers. I can’t even give my best male girlfriend a call so that he can have a good laugh at me and then help me figure out exactly what I did. I lost my imaginary friend a few years ago, so that’s no help either.

After burning through each of these options that would have made my thought process move along with a little more ease and grace, I realize that this time I’m on my own. The funny thing is, on my own is usually how I’d prefer to be. Sure, I love my friends and family and I spend a healthy amount of time with them, but I really like my alone time. And I enjoy fixing things… when they’re things I can look at and touch.

Well, I’m not really even sure what this thing is, but I can’t look at or touch it… so that’s a problem. Although I’m not sure what I’m going to do about this, I’m learning a little about myself as I try to figure it out. It’s past time for me to pay my most beloved friend a visit, because I sure do miss him. And I am absolutely more dependent on other people than I ever thought I was.

Reciprocation: an unstructured ramble & open thank you letter.

The music industry is tough. I know, leave it to me to point out the obvious. Trust me, I'm coming to a point. It forces musicians to develop a tough exterior, which can sometimes cause them to miss out on things. Things like love. I'm not talking about romance. There is a special kind of love reserved for original musicians. Did you know that? It took me a long time to realize that I was in love with music. Again, I'm not talking about romance, so don't go thinking I'm some kind of weirdo. I didn't always understand that everyone doesn't feel the way I do about music. Sure, everyone enjoys music. But it took years of me shoving music onto people to realize that they don't care about it as much as I do because they don't get the same feeling I do about it.

Let's just talk about it: fandom. I'm not talking about obsession or being a stalker or living and breathing one musical act. I'm talking about fundamental admiration not deeming one mental. Haha. Did you like that? I just came up with that off of the top of my head. Sorry, let's move on. Connecting with someone you've never met through feelings and experiences can really be an outrageous thing. Let's face it, there are feelings that we all have at some point, and sometimes those feelings are hard to express. Musicians are those who have the talent to not only put those experiences into words, but also reconnect with and convey the emotion those milestones in life create.

I'm all over the place, but I'm just going to go with my train of thought here. Another reason being a musician can be difficult is just what I said a moment ago. They reconnect with those emotions every single time they sing the songs they wrote about them. Any great musician will take themselves back to that place that pulled those words from their heart to the paper. They do that for you, for us, the ones who love their music. They do it for the people who need to be healed from an experience they've also went through. In a way, they're giving something really important up to be able to connect with and heal us. They're giving up the opportunity to heal their own emotional wounds. They're giving up closure on what can sometimes be a sad or painful experience.

This is why live shows are such a beautiful thing. This is why concerts are never going to be obsolete. And this is why music is so powerful. The industry and sounds that come from it are constantly changing. But there is one thing that will never change: people love music for the feeling it gives them. They get feelings from lyrics that they can identify with. So, in a lot of ways, people connect with musicians who are (or have been at some point) a lot like themselves.

Call me a thrill-seeker, I'm always searching for those feelings, and often I find them. I've found them in Oscar Bell, who is a legend and he doesn't even know it yet. Every single original piece from him is like a gift from heaven wrapped in gold and warmth. I've found it in Rebel Revive, who somehow manage to simultaneously rock my world and bring me to tears. I've found it in Shout London, who I could write about for days, but let's just say they get relationships, every kind. I've found them in Kristina Grafer who, without knowing it, has helped me find parts of myself that I had left behind a long time ago, parts of me that needed to resurface. She managed to help me do that in just the right way, and for that I will be forever grateful. I've found it in Jay Mont, who has reminded me how much I really do love hip-hop and R&B when it's presented as an art form rather than an excuse to be gangster and tell the world how much money you have. He's reminded me that it actually is an art form, and it can be beautiful and extremely therapeutic. I've found it in Sam Brown, who virtually handed me happiness, which is a nice thing to own.

The more I think about it the more I also realize that these people, these artists I have just mentioned are also the ones who I've seen put forth the most effort in their music and in getting it heard. These are the ones that put in the sweat. Yes, sweat. Sweat, and hours, and stress and... tears, I can only imagine. These are the passionate ones. If you listen to absolutely nothing else I've ever told you, be assured that this much is fact: that list of artists I just spouted is a bunch of people you could really benefit from listening to, even if country is your favorite genre (which by the way, there is none of on that list). Okay, okay, I'll be more straight forward about it... That list of artists I just spouted is a bunch of people you could really benefit from listening to if you are human. If you're an alien, it might not do you any good. Otherwise, I have no doubt that therein that list lies magic for you in the very least with ONE of those artists.

I want to apologize for jumping all around in this post. Something an artist I really admire said to me got me on the train of thought that started this post. Here's the station that train was originally headed to (sorry about the detours):

I see a lot of talented artists missing out on the love that their fans are trying so hard to send them, and that's a tragedy. I have had the pleasure of communicating with several artists over the past couple of years. Some of them want you to listen to their music, and that's all. They don't want to hear about the way their music makes you feel. They don't want to hear about the reaction people you've shared their music with have had. They just see you as a number that has dollar signs in its pocket. But then there are the ones who accept that love, and actually love you back. And I can tell you that that is something irreplaceable. No amount of work, intelligence, beauty or promotion will ever top that, at least not in my eyes. Building relationships with people is a fundamental action in the music business. And I believe that it can help not only to build a stronger and more loyal fanbase, but to fill a void that often happens to an artist later on in a musical career. The ones that throw up a wall and see their fans as figures on a chart will, at some point, be miserable no matter how much monetary success their career brings. I speak only as an outside observer, but trust me, I'm observing constantly and closely.

I want to thank Oscar Bell, Rebel Revive, Shout London, Kristina Grafer, Jay Mont, and Sam Brown for being the type of artists that make ear oxygen, work hard to share it, and love back.

I also want to thank all of the other musicians out there that I have yet to find on my journey that are waiting to love my love for their music also.